One thing I have learnt recently is that “a leopard doesn’t change is its spots”. If they do something to you once then they will most than likely do it again. I have found this hard to understand but then again another famous saying comes into play “not everyone has the same heart as you”.
I think you go through stages of blaming yourself. Is there something wrong with me? What have I done wrong? Am I too much? Am I not enough? But it’s simply not that. It’s to do with them. They have the problem and not you. When you know you have done nothing wrong and have only tried to be the best you can. Then you need to stop blaming yourself. Sometimes you can’t understand it but sometimes the way people treat you is nothing to do with you but to do with themselves and their own issues.
All I ever do is try and be a positive influence and a good person. The thing is it’s not like I try, it’s just who I am. I could never do what people have done to me and that’s why I struggle. However, I am a big believer in fate and things happening for a reason. Those people obviously weren’t meant to stay in my life. “Don’t get burned by the same flame twice” they always say and maybe I was trying too hard to make the wrong people stay. You just have to accept it and move on. Easier said than done, I know. But forcing people to stay is not healthy for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for anyone to be in your life!
Moving on and letting go is one of the hardest things I am facing. It’s not as simple as people may think. When you share memories with these people, broken promises and a lack of understanding of why they did what they did. It can be a very black place. It’s an ongoing battle but it does get better as time goes on.
You need to let go of that heavy weight of blame!
One thing I have found works is chatting with close people around you. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel and see what they think.
Delete those people off social media!!
Honestly, it may be a hard thing to do but you do not need toxic people in your life. One thing I used to do was make excuses for people because I always believe there is a little bit of good in everyone. But you gotta let go of that. Stop making excuses for people! If they want to talk to you; they will. If they want to see you and make plans with you; they will. If they don’t, then they are not worth your time. Respect yourself to walk away from something negative and toxic.
Becoming your own bestie and saying enough is enough!
Everyone grows and changes and different things in life happen to us all that makes us change. However, it goes back to what I said about making excuses for people. If they continuously blow you off, ignore you, say how much they want to see you and all the cool stuff you will do together but don’t act on it. You are always the person who pops up first. You have been let down more than once with shitty excuses. Well then ENOUGH is ENOUGH! You don’t need to put up with crap. You need to start putting your happiness first. They have had their chance now it’s your turn to be a priority! Become your own bestie! Clap for yourself when you do well. Dry your own tears and pick yourself back up. Support yourself, care for yourself and love yourself. Stop neglecting you.
When people think of self-love it’s not always fancy face masks and baths. It’s getting rid of toxic people. Deleting people off social media who are negative. It’s focusing on your future and working hard towards it. Getting up in the morning when you find it hard.
All these little things and your own personal goals.
Look after yourself because when you have no one, you will always have yourself and that is enough. I’m currently sat writing this in the bath with a face mask on and a nose strip and I’m happy. You’re not going to be happy all the time. Some days are really going to suck and you will miss the toxic people. That is normal. You are allowed to miss the memories and not the people.
Once you let go and accept that those people aren’t good for and spend time with people that are, you will soon slowly move on. You just need to trust within yourself and love yourself for who you are. The right people will come along and see that and you will never have to fight the way you did for the wrong people again.
Lots of love and happiness
Alice xo
Alice Woodward 