After waiting about 5 years I finally have a diagnosis for how I have been feeling. Finally feel listened to and seen. It’s been a real hard journey battling my mental health. It’s exhausting trying to explain to everyone how you feel. Past from one therapist to another to the mental health team to the GP. Explaining the same things again and again. Trying to fight my cause. I don’t want to feel this way and doing everything to get answers and battle it has felt like a losing game.
I have always felt there is a missing piece in the mental health system. I think they do a good job for people really suffering in the sense of people who have suicidal thoughts but for the people that don’t have that but battle an unseen war in their heads. My worry is that if this gap isn’t filled then we could see more and more people feeling helpless and unfortunately getting to that point.
I have been diagnosed with Cyclothymia.
Little description about it..
Cyclothymia (sy-kloe-THIE-me-uh), also called cyclothymic disorder, is a rare mood disorder. Cyclothymia causes emotional ups and downs, but they’re not as extreme as those in bipolar I or II disorder. With cyclothymia, you experience periods when your mood noticeably shifts up and down from your baseline.
I constantly feel I go through about 50 emotions a day. My highs are great and can be enjoyable but it’s like a switch and then my lows can be equally as extreme. Not knowing why this was happening and trying to battle everyday life was getting me down as no one could understand and thought I was lazy and not bothered.
I can’t thank the man I recently spoke to on the mental health team enough. He listened to me and fought my case. I feel like a weight has been lifted. My condition is no means an excuse but now I know and can manage it.
To anyone who has been in a similar situation please don’t lose hope and keep fighting. I want to make awareness of all this because we are the unseen, unheard. Going about life trying to adult but battling a brain that is not always our friend. It can be so lonely and frustrating. People don’t understand and therefore can be quick to judge and misunderstand.
Please be kind to people you have no idea what they are battling. Mental health is a silent killer and your judgment, comments and quick jokes can really scar. Believe me when I say people who suffer with mental health are the strongest people I know. It’s not just a little sadness that lasts a couple weeks, normal sadness like stress and being overwhelmed. This is a day to day not escaping your head. I always get told “oh I was depressed for a while” no you were sad and I’m not saying that it isn’t valid and I’m sure it was horrible but imagine that everyday of your life! Just think about it and think is there anyone who you know or think could be struggling. Just give them a break and try to think.
I’m on the right medication now because that can be another thing; being on the wrong medication. I was on a anti depressants for over 2 years trying different ones and nothing happen. Medication isn’t always the answer but a long side coping mechanisms it can really help.
To anyone suffering I want to say I’m always here to message. I can’t promise it gets easier but you definitely get stronger. Keep fighting for yourself because you are worth it!
Please remember you are one badass person because nothing is more terrifying, exhausting and hard then battling with your own mind every single day.
Lots of love and happiness
Alice xo
Alice Woodward 