Healing is personal and I think that makes it the most painful; you have to go through it alone. Its uncomfortable. It can get very intense and in that moment when you want to comfort yourself with distractions; try to resist because that’s where the growing takes place.
What does healing feel like?
Well it’s different for everyone. I’m quite an emotional person so I often cry a lot. But for others it can be internal.
I am quite literally the real life ‘Alice in Wonderland’ drowning in her own tears (my eyes swell and everything- very dramatic)- how I can describe it is like a heavy weight in your chest/heart and it aches. For me I’m healing a lot of parts of me. I’m learning about myself and what triggers me and every time I catch myself getting triggered I pause and question why I have behaved like that and try to address it. Healing is a weird concept really because it’s a word we over use but don’t really understand. I don’t think I ever understood it until recently. Until I was forced to come face to face with my pain. It was only then I understood that I can’t keep treating myself so poorly and putting myself last.
You have to want to heal. It’s a journey that is completely unique to you and it sounds all so cringy and cliche- I guess you will just have to experience it yourself.
Self care tip
Relax your shoulders! You may feel the tension now so let go. Take a couple a breaths in and out and relax your muscles. Keep reminding yourself of this throughout the day and see what a difference it makes.
I learnt a lot of about myself last year. Re opening painful wounds and sitting in my pain. Healing hurts man! When they say sit with your feelings I never understood it until I started to realise my behaviour when I was feeling an emotion. I used to distract myself with scrolling on instagram or watching TikTok. But if you put your phone down and just sit and let it re surface. You may cry, feel pain or discomfort. It’s different for everyone. I realised how much I repressed and how I distract myself so I just sat and let it come over me. It’s painful your whole body displays symptoms because what we don’t realise is our brains and bodies are very cleaver and it remembers things you don’t want to. Until you remember. The aches my heart went through was hard and trying to just sit with it was hard. It all started to click and I remembered things. In order to heal whether it’s your fault things happen to you or not you have to do the work and that seems so unfair and I battled with that for a while. I was very bitter. “Why was this not spotted earlier.” “There were so many signs.” But you can’t think like that. What’s done is done. If you want to improve your life it’s your responsibility. No one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself, it sounds all so cringy and said before but It’s true. I’m still figuring it all out but that’s what I have learnt so far. It’s a painful process but you learn a lot about yourself and I realised how little self worth I have.
Looking back at my posts I want to cuddle that version of me because she was fighting so much and I’m still fighting but I’m stronger and I can only get stronger.
Self care tip
Speak to yourself in the mirror. I don’t care if you call me crazy or that you all now know this about me lol but I talk to myself in the mirror. If I’m nervous for an interview I will say things like “you have got this” “be strong and confident” Or if I’m having a breakdown I will calm myself down by saying to myself things like “you are going to be okay” “take some deep breaths” Say these out loud to yourself. At the end of the day you are going to be in your life forever- try and be a bit kinder to yourself
Letting go of old behaviour patterns is hard and scary because that was your body going into survival mode. I’m still learning how to come out of survival mode but once I know I will be sure to keep your updated 😉
But one thing I will say about it is that you realise how much of your personality was masking and people pleasing. Does anyone really know me?! I struggled with that question because I actually don’t think anyone does- not completely anyway. Then again does anyone know the real you. We are complicated beings and I think we are forever changing but there will be dark parts that we never reveal and only we know and in a way I think that is interesting and quite special.
I want to leave you with another self care tip that helps me. Remember healing is different for everyone and there is no time limit on it. if you have any tips or advice please feel free to leave it down below.
Self care tip
Dance around.
Whether it’s in the kitchen cooking dinner, putting on your makeup, doing your skincare or just a full on disco in the living room. Let it all out. Shake out all the emotion. Blast your favourite tunes out loud or in your ears. This really changes my mood. Music is a very important part of my life!
Lots of love and happiness
Alice xo
Alice Woodward 