I’m not afraid of saying I’m lonely.
Lonely doesn’t mean you don’t have good people around you.
Lonely is a weird emotion that I think likes to be felt in toxic ways in my opinion. I know I have given into loneliness in the most toxic and dangerous ways.
Everything connects. It goes back to feeling your feelings, sitting with your pain and communicating.
Being lonely in your pain can be torture. Not wanting to let someone know because you know you will end up comforting them and making sure they are okay when in reality you needed the help. So it feels easier to keep it to yourself.
I get that. However, there are people you can talk to. Doesn’t have to be a family member or a friend. Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones that understand the least.
I realised something strange. I find it easy talking and opening up to a blog.. whoever you are reading. But when someone try’s to get in or ask if I’m okay I freeze.
I think I’m so used to being the one to help others but when they come to me I find it hard.
I have always had deep friendship scars. Burnt by more friendships than relationships by far!
Sometimes I think a friendship break up hurts more than a relationship.
Some week nothing happens at all then other weeks the whole world will change.
I think that’s the exciting yet daunting thing about the future. You really don’t know what’s around the corner and although that is scary I’m learning to let myself be okay with the weeks that nothing happens.
Reflect on those weeks. Those weeks ground you and as painful as they are they teach you that pain can ease.
I’m starting to come to terms and accept that I may not be where I want to be but to just take every opportunity and experience for what it is. What’s the worse that can happen you fall flat on your bum learn a couple more lessons and on to the next thing. I realise it’s not as straight forward as that but you get the message.
There is more time than we realise. Don’t rush a process that is shaping you into the person you are meant to become.
If you rush you might miss a whole step that was meant to be. People you are meant to meet, experiences you need. You could end up pulling yourself further behind by trying to control something.
Haha.. I just smiled because note to self Alice you need to remember that!!
I’m constantly failing, laughing, crying, making mistakes, getting angry, feeling overwhelmed, winning, surviving, just getting by, excelling, celebrating and failing again but aren’t we all. Isn’t that just life. And in all that chaos there are some pretty incredible things. Remember that.
Lots of love and happiness
Alice xo
Alice Woodward 