Showing up for myself is something I have found hard. I’m a massive empath and people pleaser.
I’m so focused on everyone else’s pain and healing so they don’t have to feel the pain that I have felt.
But I was thinking about it and it’s not heroic it’s tragic because I need to be giving myself the love I so readily give away.
Helping people helps me. It heals parts of me that needed to be seen and heard.
It’s good to help others but don’t neglect yourself in the process.
You know when you’re on an airplane and they say put your own life jacket on before helping someone else. It’s kinda like that. How can you truly help people if you aren’t helping yourself?
Healing is lonely! Don’t get me wrong I have people around me but you are the only one who knows the pain. No one will know what you are battling in your head.
So be kind to your head.
I caught myself in a state of panic and doubt and it’s so hard to control that feeling because you feel that you need to be doing more. I’m always thinking I should be doing more.
You are doing enough.
I realised everyone’s enough is different and we shouldn’t compare that.
I get to the point where I burn out so quick that I can be overly emotional or irritated and angry. These are responses of not relaxing and taking care of your mental health.
I tent to blame my environment or the conversation I just had that triggered me but no this isn’t anyone else’s issue but my own. My demons keep coming up and it’s my job to keep them at bay.
We fall victim to who we are, what we have been through and how we act.
Recognising your behaviour is hard!
Recognising that you may be the problem in certain situations.
That’s okay. No one is perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes but as long as you recognise them.
Talk to the people that are close to you. Even if they don’t fully understand- unburden yourself. Communication is key. If they love you they will try to understand and support.
I watched an eye opening video and it was saying when you suppress emotions there’s a limited amount of space to suppress the emotion into. So at a certain point if you think of it as like a jar full of snakes- each emotion is its own snake and you keep burying these snakes in your body where the emotions are stored. They get all jumbled and full. At a certain point you run out of room so you try to bury an emotion and by pushing that snake down all these other emotions come up to the surface and you start feeling things that don’t even match up with what’s happening in your reality but it’s just your out of room. It feels overwhelming in that moment and you don’t understand where it’s all coming from but it’s because you are out of room to suppress into.
This spoke to me so much and made me realise what I have been doing. Really eye opening. An interesting way of putting it.
He goes on to saying there isn’t a moment where feeling an emotion is a bad thing- there may be wrong things to do about it but always feel as it’s the quickest way to release yourself from the feelings that you don’t want to feel anymore is by feeling them.
This goes back to what I was saying with sitting in your pain. You gotta feel it! Honestly I’m not gonna sugar coat its days feeling shit! You gotta get it out of your body otherwise it will stay there and ruin you, and you will continue to go through the same cycles because your not feeling it- your not learning. It will keep coming up until you decide that it’s time.
I’m always here to listen and support anyone who needs it.
Please don’t be afraid to reach out if you are struggling. A couple people have and I’m so pleased because I would hate anyone to feel alone.
Doesn’t matter if you don’t know me I’m always here to talk. ☺️
I wanted to give a few support lines in case anyone needs them. I know the system isn’t the best but there are people that want to help and listen. You are worth fighting for! These numbers are all free. UK numbers only.
The Samaritans- 116 123
Mind- 03001233393
Central Access Point- 01162953060
Lots of love and happiness
Alice xo
Alice Woodward 